Fedora Masters RPG
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 Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it. |
The number one RPG for all neckbeards.
The only RPG where you need ten lines to keep track of main gender identity, your chromosomal sex, your projected sex, your primary sex attraction, your secondary sexual attraction as well as all of your individual exemptions, where you list and describe your katanas, and where your soulforce is a stat.
Intro[edit]
You are a Fedora Master! You've mastered the power of the Fedora Cosmic, making you infinitely more potent than the plebian sheeple who fill this base realm. You will use your powers to exceed basic reality and limit break!
Fedora Master RPG uses d4, d12, d20, and d100. Make sure to have at least one of each, or borrow from your fellow players and DM without asking.
Character Creation[edit]
The most important part of your character is the Basic Shape. Pick a square, circle, or triangle. Your shape defines your character's true allegiance and the form of his soul.
First things first: Your character needs a name and title. Make sure they're the most badass ones at the table.
Now get an aura color. Your aura is the big flare that happens when you do awesome shit, so make it a good color!
Pick a totem animal! Don't feel limited to real-world animals — the more imaginative the better. Make sure it's an animal which would be interesting to yiff.
Select how many gigaseconds you've been in the time vortex. The more you choose, the closer you are to the Spiral Chaos, but the less you pick, the more burdened you are by Plebian Mundanity.
Next describe your hat! This is the most important thing on your sheet. Your hat should have a badass name which reflects its mighty haberdashery. Its style should be Fedora. Pick a brand which is not consumerist but reflects your true hip uniqueness. Size means how big the hat is. Every hat also needs a special power, this is important for when the shit really hits the fan and you need to use your hat's special power. Price doesn't matter, because you have tons of money even though you're unemployed.
To discover your power level, go to /a/ and ask for the latest chart, and calculate accordingly.
Fighting Style[edit]
The more katanas the better, but you need an advanced fighting style to wield more than two at once. Different kinds of katanas are better!
Leitmotif: You may sing this badly every time your character does something cool. If anyone complains, explain that it is your leitmotif.
Anal Circumference: Roll (4d100/2)^13. This is your anal circumference in feet. Remember that it may vacillate based on ambient eroticism.
Your Brain Wave represents the activity of your brain. Be careful, because if a psychic can detect it, he can use psychic powers on you.
Everyone owns a gameboy.
Your gender and sexuality are defining characteristics of any person, and should be as in-depth and complicated as possible. Please remember to keep track of main gender identity, your chromosomal sex, your projected sex, your primary sex attraction, your secondary sexual attraction as well as all of your individual exemptions.
Attributes[edit]
For each attribute, roll 2d100 and 1d4, and add them together. That's how good you are in that attribute.
- Strength is used to shove temptresses away.
- Dexterity is used to dodge feminine wiles.
- Con is used to trick plebes.
- Intelligence is the most important stat and is used to know everything.
- Wisdom is not used.
- Charisma is used to attract and awe vast hordes of admiring followers.
- Fart is used to banish witches.
There are four dance types. Waltz is elegant. Boogie-Woogie is mighty. Haka is triumphant. Random Jumps impress the world with your acumen. For each dance, roll 1d8. Then roll another. The sum of the first d8 and half of the second is your base dance number. Add on bonuses from your hat, katanas, totem animal, shape, and anal circumference to determine your bonus for each dance.
There is no limit to the dead family members or kittens taped to chest you can have, consider it a creative writing exercise!
Your shred level is equal to the number of notes in your leitmotif. For known songs, try adding some of the ones you like in real life!
Power Up[edit]
Take a proper power channeling pose, and grunt or roar as the power fills your body. Doing this for fifteen minutes should move you to the next power level category temporarily.
Ninja Battle[edit]
Roll a d20 for each katana you have and d12 for each flying katana you have. That's how much damage you do.
If you are mercifully not killing your opponent, roll a d100 for each reverse blade katana you have, a d20 and a d12 for each reverse wielded katana, and 37d4 for each reverse blade reverse wielded katana. That's how much non-lethal damage you do.
Dance-off[edit]
Add your base dance and bonus to dance harder than the other guy.
Rock-off[edit]
Roll 1d4 and add your shred level. The master with the higher result gets to sexually subjugate his opponent.
DM's Chapter[edit]
Remember that your job doesn't include fun or anything!
